1) Unfaithfulness.
unfaithfulness is act of not being faithful. Going away or against the agreed direction. it is a big enemy to a good relationship. no matter how cordial a relationship may be between a man and a woman, the moment unfaithfulness crawls into their midst, things will begin in adverse. This is because a good relationship is allergic to unfaithfulness.
Unfaithfulness is a big enemy of a good relationship, in a state where a party cannot close his eyes and take the word of his spouse to any where reliably and quote him or her for whatever e or she says without falling into embarrassment. It is too bad, and it cannot help any relationship to grow. The Bible says in the book of James 5.12
But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation.
Do you know that the unfaithfulness of some has gotten a degree to the point of swearing with the name of God, yet what they are saying is not true. Many have lost their marital relationships on the ground of unfaithfulness. Who is the man or a lady with his right senses that will continue in a relationship that is full of lies and unfaithfulness? Except in a case where the two of them are both deceiving themselves or in a case where the two of them chose partner in evil to deceive people to achieve a common goal.
I know of a couple some years back, the husband was so deep in the spirit of lies, to the point that, he never bothered, if you will find out the truth in the following day. I thought it was the man alone who lies, only for me to know that even the wife also has degree in lying. They live fake lives, what they don’t have, which they can not acquire are the things they pretend to have. On four occasions they lied to me that and I later find out they lied. For example, someone she discussed with that she runs a boutique of foreign thing, only for the person she told to realize all she said were lies. This person asked for the address of her boutique for patronage as the woman was in need of some foreign material, she began to add lies to lies.
2) Side dating (Two face dating).
A side date is the date where a man or a woman dates more than one person at time. In this case he or she is the only one who knows about the practice. It is a pitfall to a good relationship, there is no how he or she can give the best to any of the partners as to making the relationship work. Love will never be let loose, because of a secret agenda that may be involved. The Bible says in Matt.6.24 – No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.
Except the serious one did not know all through, if he eventually get to know along he or she will want to call it a quite. It is a sign that the one in question cannot be trusted.
3) Long time courtship.
A long time courtship can truncate the plan of God for a relationship. There are many things that happened in a case like this, where one suddenly came up with a strange behaviour, showing that he or she is no longer interested in the relationship because he or she has find someone who is ready to move the journey to the next level. We have advised the singles who chose to go into marriage to try as much as possible to avoid a long time courtship. If you know you are not ready, stay away and stay clear. Do not toy with the heart of any one. As strong as the heart is, so fragile it is, to avoid sending anyone to psychiatric hospital, wait till when you will be ready to start the journey and complete it without a break in the flow, not to give room for temptation, lack and other unforeseen situations to come to play. The business is not for a child, but for those who know what they are doing.
In the long time courtship, interest dies gradually, ignorance is one of the factors that kills interest. The more the delay, the more they will find it difficult to make things happen.
4) Distance Relationship.
Distance marriage had always being a problem that usually lead to total part way. What a man or a woman do not see is difficult to sustain interest about it. In reality, all the promises made in a relationship are effective when the parties are in close by. When they are still within the reach of one another. It is obvious that intimacy is a Product of availability. That’s why, when a party in a relationship goes on a long journey of a long period, which the second party cannot even say when they will see. A stranger who always make him or herself available ends up becoming a friend, and will graduated become the preferred. There is power and sustainable love in closeness. Distance relationship defies trust. It waste people’s precious time and productive years. It is difficult for love to grow in a distance relationship.
If you know you want to enjoy your relationship, avoid having it in distance, where you cannot get to within a short time. Otherwise, you may live to regret it for the rest of your life. There are ladies who had opportunity to travel for a greener pasture, shortly after they got into a relationship believing they will find a way around it, but reverse is the case. They end up getting into a fresh relationship with their benefactors or someone else in her new location, putting the former person behind, because of the distance. Such also happens in the case of men, time without numbers. It is advisable for anyone who knows and has any reason to change location to a another state of the same country or to another country entirely to sit with his partner and count the cost before embarking on it.
It’s either you get marriage to him or her in a moderate manner that will not cost so much financially, which will enable the two of you to travel together.
- Poor Communication
Communication is one of the greatest weapons, it can also be regarded as the life wire to every relationship and marriage. Any relationship whatsoever, that lacks communication is already working at the verge of collapse. No matter how good and healthy a relationship is, the moment the line of communication breaks, it ushers into the relationship different kinds of sickness that no one can explain. Without a healthy communication in relationship, it would be difficult for the parties involved to have a smooth running from one stage to other in their relationship. That is why the introverts are advised when it comes to the issues of marriage to shift ground from their existing nature, to start relating with their people, open up whenever they are feeling pains.
Things to communication:
a. About the past: the past that are not told is a pitfall to a relationship in particular, when partners don’t know the past of each other or one refused to declare his or her past, what they are constructing is a pit ahead of the relationship. When they get there, eyes will clear. If you think you don’t have a past, therefore you want to put off your partner who told you his or her past, don’t you see it as a privilege to support the kingdom? If it is true that you don’t have any past, it isn’t by your power, it could be your partner that does not have the past.
However, you must do your thorough check, to know that he or she has really gotten out of the past, for it not to be a trap along the line or in future.
b. Present plan: your present and future plan of what you desire to do must be known or discussed with your partner, this will enable a good follow up by both of you, it will also bring about check and balance when it seams attention is shifting to something else. When partners know the plan of one and other, it is easy to discuss about it often, by so doing, the intimacy will keep increasing.
c. Your movement: a relationship you cherished must know your movement, if your partner cannot say where about your movement, it is not to the advantage of your relationship, it’s a way of digging a grave to swallow the relationship in the long run. Any indecency in your movement could jeopardize your mission to raise a good relationship. Tell him or her about your movement, it saves you from a lot of embarrassments.
d. What you think will move the relationship forward: to avoid pitfall in your relationship, you must embark in discussing the things that will move the relationship forward .make suggestions, evaluate them and choose those that are good for your relationship now and keep the rest save for the future as it may be necessary for a use.
6. secrets: keeping secrets is a pitfall to a good relationship. Out of keeping secret is unfriendly friends. There is no how a human being can completely keep secrets, there must be someone who knows about it. If your partner is not among those who know about your past, you have just succeeded in making your relationship vulnerable to the external forces. This is not good for your relationship, and it’s a pitfall you must avoid.
- Less value: if you attach less or no value to the relationship, you have automatically set a pitfall ahead in the relationship. In this regard what you will have to do is to value the relationship by paying attention to every detail about the relationship. You must act it and it must be seen to be so.
- Dominance: if you act to dominate the relationship, it’s either there will be quarrel or your partner will keep looking at you and accept the relationship to be a one man show. Domineering spirit is a Pitfall to a relationship. Relationship should not be a one man show, a good relationship accommodates the participation of both the parties.
- Respect: the parties in a relationship deserve to respect one another, talk to yourselves in reverence. In this case age has no much to do, what plays the larger role is what we are talking about, which is marriage. Any man or woman who desires to enter into relationship and did so, deserves to be treated as a responsible man and women. The parties in the businesses should see themselves as the noble and virtuous that the world is waiting for to come and add value to the existing marriages. Therefore, they must avoid every pitfall that can cause disaster to the relationship now and in future. Any relationship that appears as a ‘master and servant relationship’ is only heading to a pit.
- Argument: argument cannot but happens, but the way you handle argument is what matters. Argument is a Product of misunderstanding. The argument not cautioned is a father of crisis that generated from misunderstanding that is not well managed, that also lacks rule and regulations with decorum.
A good relationship that wants to remain good must avoid argument, especially the argument that can completely bring a party down in favour of the other.
Please do know, that misunderstanding is when you do not understand what your partner is saying, to understand him or her better, there must be a more clarification to the mater on ground in order to be on the same page. To do this you must be patient. The truth of argument may not even be in the position of either of you, by the time you will know what the truth is, you will be dumbfounded. How would you then correct your error if you have done something funny because of argument.
- perfectionism: perfectionism is when you are always not ready to leave any stone unturned, either big or small. There is no space or provision for mistake. It is only God who is accurately perfect, no man can ever take the position, otherwise you wouldn’t see medical specialist who is largely known to the public as a best professional in his area of specialization, yet he can’t help a particular person with a brief illness to overcome his sickness not to die. It happens in some cases, that has not changed him from being the renown doctor he used to be.
Don’t ever think that your partner will be a perfect person, do leave or provide a space for mistake in your heart, meaning that he or she can make a mistake at any time, there must be a spirit to accommodate him or her with the mistake and move on. The only problem here is when either of you failed to learn from the mistake. If you are a man or a woman who is too strict in his or her conduct, always insist that things must be done perfectly or in your own way, it can form a pitfall that will destroy the relationship. As perfect as you think you are, is a sign that you are not perfect.
- Lack of mentorship:
not having a mentor, a competent one as the case may be, could be a disaster to your relationship, except if your own relationship is a mere play which is not going to exceed the dating level. If your relationship will transform to marriage, you need a mentor. Not a mentor who mentors by the word of mouth alone, his attitude, way of life and conduct must also be able to mentor you. Whosoever you will submit to for mentorship must be someone you can respect. If you choose to have someone from your family as a mentor, it is a choice, therefore he or she must be respected, he or she must never be treated as a family but a noble mentor. If your mentor always tell you sweet things and what you want to hear, be careful. Your mentor will at a time be hard on you, base on what is on ground, that’s what mentorship entails.
Your mentor is meant to guide you in the journey of your relationship to marriage, and also be praying for you. There are things in relationship that seem good to carry out but the outcome may never be good. If you carry your mentor along he or she will be able advise on what to do and how to do it.
The Bible says in Prov.14.12
There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.
1Cor.10.23
All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.
Not having a mentor over your relationship is a pitfall, and that can be avoided. Don’t be too wise on your own, you alone cannot do it all.
The importance of mentorship in a relationship can never be over emphasized.
- Selfishness: Selfishness is a disease, whosoever that has it will never want to see anyone around him progressing, not to talk of seeing him on the same level with him or stepping above. They hate showing others the way, the move and the progress of others is a threat to them. If they are in a relationship, it’s only their opinion that counts, the other party should just follow like a servant. We all know that the nature of man does not accept that, the business that requires the input of the two parties now became a one man show, the next thing is for the other party to quit. If in relationship, a selfish party will not have anything to assist the other. Any attempt for the partner to take up something that will benefit him or her, the selfish one will frown at it, believing he or she may start doing better. This’ an ignorance of the highest order, the earlier life is better for one, the earlier it would be better for the other and this will help them to get to the next level quick.
Selfishness is a big pitfall that can destroy a relationship. Avoid it.
- Wrong counsel: wrong counsel is one of the pitfall to a good relationship. If you allow someone who has no respect for relationship, that is exactly what you will turn out to be. You can only resemble the person who produced you. Don’t be ignorant of this fact, not to fall into a wrong hand.
It is what you store in the account of your relationship that the ATM of your marriage will dispense to you.
Gal.6.7 – Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
Make sure your relationship is properly, carefully, consciously handled by giving your best. Never will you keep pushing a relationship. If it not working, call it a quite.
You can’t force anyone to remain in a relationship that turned to marriage, if you do so, you may live to regret it for the rest of your life.
Amos.3.3 Can two walk together, except they be agreed?